Most times when a relationship goes wrong, both parties are usually blamed, but the lion share of the blame mostly go out to the men in the relationship. Why is that you may ask? The reason is simple. It is because you are expected as the man to take charge of the relationship.
Think of it this way, you are the captain of that ship and whatever happens to the ship is your fault. That is the reason why most times men end up getting blamed even though they might not be at fault.
I’m well aware that men are not looking for much in a woman; however you may also be making some mistakes that could be causing your relationship to sabotage itself thereby causing it to end abruptly.
No man is an island or gets it right and correctly all at once, hence the reason for this article. This article is to point you to some mistakes you must avoid if indeed you want to keep your relationship afloat and blazing with love and commitment from your woman.
1. You ignore your partner’s emotions and feelings:
There is a delicate difference between men and women. Men are all about logic and reason while women are the creatures with feelings and emotions. This doesn’t mean that men don’t have emotions or feelings, it simply means that their beliefs come from the place of reasoning.
Both men and women tend to react differently to situations. While the man’s approach is only to solve the problem and move on, you will find out that women tend to dwell a little longer on the emotional aspect rather than trying to solve the problem.
Don’t blame her. It is only her nature and how she was created. To understand your partner as a man, you must strive to understand her emotions and feelings. It has been said that being with a woman is like being in a school and you can never fully finish learning.
However, you must realise that it is the efforts that count. You must also be wise enough to know when to speak and when you need only to hold her and let your presence be her anchor. Whenever a woman tells you she is fine, it means that she wants to talk and it is not okay.
You will be making a huge mistake to walk out and say since she said she is fine, she is okay. No, she is not okay, and she needs you to help her out while she is going through what she is feeling. Never leave your partner feeling like she has no emotional support in you, it will bounce back in a very harsh way.
Whenever she is going through any emotional tumult, she needs you to be patient and understand. She already feels bad enough already and you shouting at her to get over it just because you can stash your emotions somewhere else is unfair of you.
Understand that she can’t just get over it and you expecting her to means you probably don’t understand her delicate nature. Women are generally referred to as “feelers”. Don’t ever make the mistake of ignoring her emotions or you being oblivious to how she feels.
It is within your capacity, and you have to help her heal. You have to be her emotional anchor, and she needs you to be just that. If you decide to neglect her at this time, have you ever heard of the phrase “Hell has no fury than a woman who is burned”? You just may be brewing world War 4 in your relationship.
2. Being Afraid or insecure:
It is in the woman’s place to be afraid and anxious not in the man’s place. This doesn’t mean that I expect you always to be strong all the time showing no vulnerability. However, when you are continually being insecure or afraid, it merely says you are not brave enough to be her emotional anchor.
Women generally love security and safety. If she can feel safe and secure with you, then you are on the right track. However, if you are afraid and you try to hide it, your woman would know. It is often said that women generally have a sixth sense that helps her detect danger.
If you are so scared of committing to her especially after she has laid all her cards on the table, you just might be saying goodbye to her. If you are afraid to try new things with her, it is a huge turn off for her.
As a man you must remember that courage is not the absence of fear but it is the ability to face your fear and conquer it. Every boy wants to grow up to be a hero, and every woman wants a man who will be her hero.
Once your woman can lay her all down for you and is willing to stick with you through it all, it is only fair for you to reciprocate in the same manner by showing her that she can depend emotionally on you. She can trust you to lay down your all for her as well.
If you can’t seem to do this, then you probably need to take a walk from that relationship to reestablish why you want to be in a relationship with her in the first instance. A woman needs a man who can fight for her, and for your relationship and not a coward who will love to hide behind her when trouble suddenly comes out of the blues.
She turns to you for protection, and she expects to get it from you. If you can’t provide it, then you probably are leading her already towards the door because she will sooner or later find someone who she can depend on for protection and she would close the door on the two of you forever. To prevent this from happening, then you need to assume your role as the man in that relationship.
3. Taking her for granted:
The worst mistake you can make as a man is to take the love of someone for granted. Because she loves you doesn’t mean she is a fool. She might decide to take all your trash just because she loves you but make no mistake she is no fool.
The woman in your life is trying to make your life less stressful for you. She takes care of the kids, does your laundry, takes out the trash can, makes you dinner while she also has to work all through the day and sometimes through the night to meet the deadline of her boss at the office.
If you can’t help her out willingly despite all the sacrifices she is making, then you might be chasing her away. Even if you can’t help her probably due to your tight schedule or for one reason or another, then the least you can do is to be genuinely grateful and make sure she sees it.
A woman who knows she is appreciated will always want to do more. She would still be willing to go the extra mile for your relationship. Let her understand that you are grateful for how she takes care of you, the kids, the home and every other person in your life.
Don’t wait till she goes away before you honestly admit her importance or before you finally see her relevance in your home. If you decide to do this, it might be difficult to get her back, and in the case scenario that you can’t, it will be impossible or nearly impossible for you to find another woman who is just like her.
It wouldn’t hurt for you to take her out for a night, treat her to a lovely dinner and thank her for all she does for you. This shows her that you are genuinely appreciative of her and she would put in more efforts.
Sometimes verbal declarations of gratitude as well as expressions of it goes a long way in rejuvenating the spirit of your woman. Don’t Bury her in all that work as if she is serving under you. She is your woman and not your slave, be appreciative of her.
4. Still holding on to your ex:
Nothing chases a woman faster than the fact that you are still holding on to memories of your ex. There is a reason why she became your ex and why you are with someone now. There is no reason for you to keep in constant touch with your ex most especially if your partner isn’t comfortable with it.
Even if you are not cheating, it still spells out the fact that you are. You ask her to trust you, she does, but you are giving her reasons for her not to once you are still clinging to your ex. Your ex is your past, please try and leave her there.
If for any reason at all, you must have any contact with her, then it must be sorely platonic and plain for everyone to see. You guys must not decide to meet in her place of residence or at a hotel. Doing this breeds suspicion and trust me, once you break trust in your relationship, then it is probably gone forever, or you may have to work your ass out before you can get a fraction of the confidence you usually get before.
Don’t be tempted to go down the road of being with your ex as well as your current. You will end up being at the losing end. You may probably end up being played by your ex, causing you to lose your current partner and your ex who was never really there initially.
If you are asking total commitment and total trust from her, then you must be willing to give out the same thing. You must ensure that you commit to her even as she is ready to commit herself to you in that relationship entirely.
Think of it this way; what if cases were reversed, would you be happy if she is in constant touch with her ex? Would you feel comfortable and happy with it? Even if your answer is yes, well, your partner isn’t you. She has her limit to things so please respect it.
5. Becoming unpredictable:
I understand the need for a little bit of having a nature that feels like you are mysterious, however, don’t overdo it. Even though you are planning it as a surprise, don’t make her get used to the fact that your mind isn’t stable on things.
You are allowed to be a little bit unpredictable however making it a habit can mean you are going a little bit overboard with it. One critical thing women seek for in relationships is to have stability, and she can’t have that if you are always unsure about yourself.
Also being unpredictable always can quickly escalate into a case of lack of trust. If your woman feels you are unpredictable, she may begin to doubt your movements and what started sincerely as an innocent act can quickly become a bone of contention if you aren’t careful.
6. Always trying to fix your partner:
No one likes when they are being turned into a project. You don’t like it neither would she appreciate it as well. Having to continually nag her about how she dresses, what she eats or how she reacts in public can become very annoying if not correctly done.
There are times when we need to make good pointers here and there but when you make it a habit always regularly to find faults, she will begin to feel inferior, and this can crush her self-esteem. If it doesn’t, it can make her start to detest you.
Even if you want to correct her about something, there are subtle ways of doing it instead of always trying to look for what she isn’t doing correctly. You must understand that you aren’t perfect and she decided to see above your flaws to be with you.
Don’t turn her into your science project that needs fixing. It isn’t cool. You wouldn’t like her to do it to you so don’t do it to her as well.
7. Breaking your partner’s trust:
There is this old saying that goes “trust is like an egg, once broken it is difficult to put back again”. You demand faith from her but are you ready to give it to her in the same measure? Or are you just going to keep demanding it without giving her the same thing?
Trust is a two-way street. If you want her to trust you, then you must earn it. There are three worst things to bring into a relationship, and they include a lack of integrity, lying and being untrustworthy.
These traits only go to show that she should run the other way. Commitment and relationships are built on one solid foundation which is trust. Once that trust is broken, your relationship might begin to get rocky and may even end up splitting from that point.
You must be open and plain to your partner. If you can’t do this, then you absolutely have no business being in a committed relationship with her. Commitment means laying all your cards on the table, and one of such cards is trust.
8. Don’t disrespect your partner:
Your partner has feeling too. In fact, by design, she has more emotions and feelings which are more fragile than yours. Having to disrespect her and disregard her goals directly goes to show that you are selfish and self-centred.
Respect her dreams and aspirations. Support her and keep rooting for her and she would love you for it. Let her know that she can depend on you for any help she needs and you respect and trust her enough to make accurate decisions.
Doing this will bring you a step closer to your partner, and you will be glad you did.
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Originally Authored By: Deborah Turner